i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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