did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
