It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
