I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
