ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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