my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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