Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
