yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
