careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Panties = found
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
