I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
