If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
