So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
someone owes me an orgasm
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
