Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
