I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
