Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
