what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
