a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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