Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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