Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
