is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
