You're my little dorito
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
