According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
