shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
