She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
