We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You took a bar mat shot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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