i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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