i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
