got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize