Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
