so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
