You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Plan B is the new Plan A
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
