last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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