really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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