I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
