Michael Bay diarrhea
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
