i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
