I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
