Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
