Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
