oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
