am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize