Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
