Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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