i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
