he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want my vagina anymore.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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