Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
