I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
