Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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