im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
