His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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