i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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