Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
