You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
