i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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