bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
