a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
