my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
