I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
