He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I would fuck him just for his dog
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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