Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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