my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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