You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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