Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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