I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
