dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize