That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
