He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
