I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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